Dr. Bob's Farewell Talk

I simply Love this

Dr. Bob's Farewell Talk

My good friends in A.A. and of A.A.,

     … I get a big thrill out of looking over a vast sea of faces like this with a feeling that possibly some small thing I did a number of years ago played an infinitely small part in making this meeting possible. I also get quite a thrill when I think that we all had the same problem. We all did the same things. We all get the same results in proportion to our zeal and enthusiasm and stick-to-itiveness. If you will pardon the injection of a personal note at this time, let me say that I have been in bed five of the last seven months and my strength hasn't returned as I would like, so my remarks of necessity will be very brief.

      There are two or three things that flashed into my mind on which it would be fitting to lay a little emphasis.  One is the simplicity of our program. Let's not louse it all up with Freudian complexes and things that are interesting to the scientific mind, but have very little to do with our actual A.A. work. Our Twelve Steps, when simmered down to the last, resolve themselves into the words “love” and “service.” We understand what love is, and we understand what service is. So let's bear those two things in mind.

      Let us also remember to guard that erring member the tongue, and if we must use it, let's use it with kindness and consideration and tolerance.

      And one more thing: None of us would be here today if somebody hadn't taken time to explain things to us, to give us a little pat on the back, to take us to a meeting or two, to do numerous little kind and thoughtful acts in our behalf. So let us never get such a degree of smug complacency that we're not willing to extend, or attempt to extend, to our less fortunate brothers that help which has been so beneficial to us.
     
                                               Thank you very much.

         

___________

* From Dr. Bob's brief remarks on Sunday, July 3, 1950, at the First International A.A.
Convention in Cleveland, Ohio.

Bob Bacons talk.

DISCUSSION TOPIC: BACK TO BASICS (April, 1976)

Are we, in the content of our A.A. meetings, getting away from basics? Are we talking about our own recovery from alcoholism, the Big Book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions?

(Bob Bacon - Delegate, Northeast Ohio) (Excerpts from his talk)

My name is Bob Bacon. I am powerless over alcohol and very grateful to be alive and a part of this conference. Are we, in the content of our A.A. meetings, getting away from A.A. basics? I believe we are. Alcoholics Anonymous is growing at a faster rate than at any time since the ‘40’s, and I suspect we were not ready for such growth. Have we gotten a little complacent and smug in our well-being?

People today are coming to Alcoholics Anonymous in far better shape physically and mentally than most of us here did. We need to show them how we learned to stay sober. If our meetings consist mostly of drinking experiences, our ideas and opinions, we are not doing our jobs.

Dr. Bob said our program when boiled down, is love and service. We need to show all the newcomers that we love them as we were loved and we have a way of life we wish to share. If our meetings are nothing but drunk-a-logs and meaningless chatter, we are not showing them “How It Works”.

In A.A. meetings, we reach out with love and told people, “These are the Steps we took” and “We had to go to any lengths”. Is that what the newcomer is hearing in our meetings today? When a person comes to us after 30 days in a rehabilitation center, he or she is already dry and needs to know how we are staying sober. I believe our meetings are not really covering this heavy responsibility as effectively as we should and could.

We do have some good news, such as Big Book Study Meetings. More and more in my area, we are going to discussion meetings. This new idea is from the Grapevine. To me, it is vital to the survival of our Fellowship that we make certain the people coming to us for help are made aware of the Big Book, the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions as possibly their only hope for survival from alcoholism. If we fail to guide them to our program of recovery, our Fellowship will not survive.

Our future is dependent upon a continuing stream of recovered alcoholics. In today’s frustrating world, our Program works better than ever. Are we doing a good enough job sharing this with the thousands of people coming to us now? Shouldn’t we be giving these people all Three Legacies of Recovery, Unity and Service? We have to tell them more than, “Don’t drink and go to meetings”. If all we talk about is our drinking, our ideas, our opinions, my day or the way I do it, we are not carrying the message--we are carrying the illness. We should be talking about recovery. I don’t believe we are. Are we stressing the real value of the Big Book? You can go to meetings in my area where you can’t find a Big Book. Lately, when I am asked to lead a meeting, I have to take my Big Book with me. I don’t want to lead a meeting that doesn’t have a Big Book. We hear many people lead meetings and never mention the Steps or the Big Book. Is it because nobody told them how very important the Big Book is?

Do we forget to tell the newcomer that what is in the Big Book can save his or her life? Our total Program is in the Big Book and only in the Big Book. Shouldn’t we be telling people that? We hear a lot of ridiculous things like, “There are no musts in A.A.” My Big Book read different. People say that it is an individual program, that we can take the Steps any way we want to.

Dr. Bob said, and I quote, “There is no such thing as an individual interpretation of the Twelve Steps.” If we are not honest with the new people and tell them how important each Step is, who will tell them? Some people seem to think the Steps are a necessary evil instead of a lifesaving prescription for happiness.

We rarely hear about the Traditions. The fact that these came about because of our mistakes and failures is almost a secret. The Traditions are the lifesaving guide lines for each group and for our Fellowship as a whole and each of us should be responsible to honor them. When I first wanted to get a copy of the “Twelve and Twelve”, a G.S.R. told me the Tradition pamphlet had all I needed. Thank God, I didn’t listen to him. In 1965 at Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto, most of us stood with Bill and said, “I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there and for that I am responsible.” Being at that Convention is the reason I am standing here now.

We are the guardians of this Fellowship, and maybe we need to do a better job of sharing what it is all doubt. Are we still responsible?

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In the post.

"By nature touchy and suspicious, the alcoholic likes to be left alone to work out his puzzle, and he has a convenient way of ignoring the tragedy which he inflicts meanwhile upon those who are close to him.

He holds desperately to a conviction that, although he has not been able to handle alcohol in the past, he will ultimately succeed in becoming a controlled drinker. One of medicine's queerest animals, he is, as often as not, an acutely intelligent person.

He fences with professional men and relatives who attempt to aid him and he gets a perverse satisfaction out of tripping them up in argument."

The Jack Alexander Article From the March 1941 issue of The Saturday Evening Post

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The cheese slipped off my cracker

The cheese slipped off my cracker and everyone had to die.

Some would say this response is a little on the extreme side, but not me, oh no, not me. You see the big stuff is never going to be the problem, if I can see it coming, chances are I'm gona have at least half a chance to deal with it. And deal with it I normal do.

But when the curve balls of life come along, well, that's when I really have to dig my heals in and give it my best. To be honest I normal pull it off and things are most often OK. But once in a great while something so unexpected comes along I don't have a chance. Once in a while the cheese slips of my cracker and everyone must die.

Thankfully not to often. 

Dam Change

So it's been a few days since I wrote anything and I'll be buggered, they've gone and changed everything. I'd like to say I've no issue with this, but in truth I really have. For you see, I simple do not like change. I can get all sorts of analytical about the whys and why nots around this, but the truth is I simply don't like change. So with that in mind I plan to fight and reject the recent changes to blogger with all my might. I will email them, write to them and rally each and every person I know to put a stop to this dam change.

Or possibly I'll do nothing and put up with it.

3.26 on the 19th

Yesterday my Dad was cremated and the day ended up being absolutely nothing like I expected it to be. I didn't really think that many people would turn up, but turn up they did. And with the greatest respect in the world, what a motley crew they were. In fact it all held a striking resemblance to an episode of only fools and horses.

When the vicar didn't show up. I asked the hearse driver if this happened very often and he told me me had never know it before. He then went on to pull a book from his inside pocket and proudly announced he would be happy to have a go. At one point he came running out with the news the vicar had turned up but alas this proved to be a false alarm.

As the service got under way I couldn't help thinking my old man would have been laughing his head off and that made me smile, it made me smile a lot and I found myself feeling great full for the chance to laugh at myself. The whole thing went off really well and the old boy got a really cool send off.

With that and all the various good-bys done we headed off home stopping off at the old folks home to pick up the last of his things. He had very little there but when I opened a bed side draw and noticed his watch, I thought that'll be nice to keep. Picking it up I notice the second hand was not going round. I checked my watch and the time was 3.26, the same time as my Dads watch. 3.26 on the 19th. My watch ticked on but his had stopped fast at 3.26. At the time I didn't think that much about it but latter when I told Michelle she said maybe he was waiting for you. I like that and maybe, just maybe, he was.  

R.I.P Dad.

When the phone rings at 2.30am you can be fairly sure it's not gona be great news and this was for sure the case this morning. With a freshly stubbed toe I called the number back to be told my Dad had died an hour earlier. As things stand I'm not even really sure how I feel about the whole thing, or even if it matters how I feel right now.

What I do believe to be a fact is that my dear old Dad was well and truly done. For him a pint and a cigarette were just about all he asked from life and he couldn't have either any more.  From my point of view I find myself so very thankful to have a wife who pestered me into tracking him down a few years ago. Because of this he got to meet his third grand son Jack, and I got to have a few years I never thought I'd have with my Dad. In truth, it's been a pretty cool deal and it turned out he was a pretty cool Dad.

12 Step Prayers

1ST STEP
God, Creative Intelligence, Universal Mind, Spirit of Nature or Spirit of the Universe my name is ______, and I'm a real alcoholic ... and I need your help today. (p. 10 BB)

2nd STEP
God, I'm standing at the turning point right now. Give me your protection and care as I abandon myself to you and give up my old ways and my old ideas just for today. AMEN (p. 59 BB)

3rd STEP
"God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" (p. 63 BB)

4th STEP
WHEN IN DOUBT
"I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure." (p.13)

WHEN I AM DISTURBED BY THE CONDUCT (SYMPTOMS) OF OTHERS
"This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done." (p. 67 BB)

5th STEP
God I thank you from the bottom of my heart that I know you better. Help me become aware of anything I have omitted discussing with another person. Help me to do what is necessary to walk a free man at last. AMEN (p. 75 BB)

6th STEP
God help me become willing to let go of all the things to which I still cling. Help me to be ready to let You remove all of these defects, that Your will and purpose may take their place. AMEN (p. 76 BB)

7th STEP
"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen." (p. 76 BB)

8th STEP
"We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes." (p. 76 BB)

9th STEP
God give me the strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the consequences may be. Help me to consider others and not harm them in any way. Help me to consult with others before I take any actions that would cause me to be sorry. Help me to not repeat such behaviors. Show me the way of Patience, Tolerance, Kindliness, and Love and help me live the spiritual life. AMEN

(p. 78-80 BB)

10th STEP
God remove the Selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear that has cropped up in my life right now. Help me to discuss this with someone immediately and make amends quickly if I have harmed anyone. Help me to cease fight anything and anyone. Show me where I may be helpful to someone else. Help me react sanely; not cocky or afraid. How can I best serve You - Your will, not mine be done. AMEN (p. 84-5 BB)

11th STEP
"As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day 'Thy will be done.' “(p. 87-8 BB)

Just funny

Danny P showing how it's done.

Folk are sometimes amazing.

It was an eventful weekend for me, a trip up to Gloucester to see my Dad filled the day. The old boy has been really ill of late and in truth I'm not sure how many times I'll see him again. It's easy for me to forget this man brought me up single handedly between the ages of eight and fourteen.  I have absolutely no doubt he did the very best he could and that is most surly all any of us can ask.

This time I simply sat next to him in the hospital with nothing really to say, it was uncomfortable, sad and kind of OK. The last time I went to see him he was still in the old folks home. I loaded him up in his wheel chair and trundled the old boy down the pub so I could fill him full of sloe gin. On the way back he asked, "boy, you still off the drink?" "yes Dad, yes I am. Been nine years now" I said. He looked round at me, smiled and said "your a fucking disgrace to our family boy". That's the way I'll try and remember my Dad.


After I left him I decided to stop by and see my Mum. She was, needless to say, considerably less chatty then my Dad. Nevertheless I sat myself down by the spot she was laid to rest and had a good old chin wag. One of the clear benefits found in talking to the dead, is they seldom interrupt and you get the chance to go on and on and on. It was nice, talking to my Mum is always nice.  

Then while taking a spin round town and a trip down memory lane I bumped into an old friend who would have every right to never speak to me again. Yet she did, as did her son and her sons partner. She even kept a tight hold on her clearly mad as a bastard dog. And this is the thing, folk are sometimes amazing. They do it with out even knowing what they are doing. My Dad bringing up a son on his own. My Mum still a part of my life even though she has been dead for over twenty years and my old friend who takes time to stop and talk. I hope I never lose the ability to be amazed.

For the love of God give me some sympathy

I've had a couple of days being a bit sick and just about now I'm wallowing in a big old pit of self pity. One thing I've never been able to get much of a grip on is the old grim and bear it when your ill thing, that's just not me. I'm much more of a, for the love of God give me some sympathy, kind of guy.

Problem is, sympathy is almost always in short supply in the Dobbo house hold. The best I can hope for is a sarcastic, ah, you ok love. In truth that's the way I am with the Mrs as well. The only thing close to the agitation of being ill myself, is putting up with someone else being ill next to me. They never seem to shut up.  And on that, I think I can here my most wonderful wife running me a bath, Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

I know what i owe.

And I know who I owe it to.

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Nine

Nine years ago today on the 3/3/03 I took what has up till now been my last mind altering substance of any kind. Nine years free from drugs and alcohol. It's been an amazing time and generally speaking, my life if fairly great.

Today I find myself thinking of that last time I used. I was in prison (yet again) and my cell mate had just smoked one of the smallest bags of heroin know to man. Although I watched longingly, he didn't seem to want to share. He did however (in a fit of wild generosity) give me the tube he used to smoke it when he had finished.

I carefully unrolled this tiny gift and put a flame under it ready to inhale. Then in a flash of burnt nasal hair and prison butter, it was over. Like most of my using, it was piss poor at best.

The man who gave me that tube walked this road of recovery for a little while, but sadly so far he has never stayed. I see him now and again and when I do I think of that cell in Camp Hill, and I think of the importance of sticking around should he ever decide to join us for good.

Today I'm nine years clean and sober. I know what I owe, and I know who I owe it to.

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Feel free to have a look

It's getting close, providing I don't do anything mind blowinly stupid in the next couple of weeks it looks likely I'm gona make nine years of continued sobriety, Nine fucking years!!!
Now for some folk that's really not that big of a deal, but trust me when I say, for me it is. At one time I could truly not comprehend the idea of one day clean. It just wasn't a concept I ever thought to consider. Yet despite this I managed to end up here, clean, sober and for the most part fairly sane. So what you might well ask has been the secret to my success? The answer is as some of you already know, simple, straight forward and in previous blogs. Feel free to have a look and use freely what was freely given to me.

The Original How it Works

I've always found the original manuscript of How it Works interesting, even thinking they should have left it as it was. The changes are in italics so you can make up your own mind.

From the pre-production multilith (1938).  This is the opening of the Big Book’s Chapter Five in the original manuscript that was sent out to the fellowship a few months before the Big Book was published.  This was written and re-written over thirty times and this is how it looked before the last changes were made.  Differences are highlighted in bold print.

HOW IT WORKS

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our directions.  Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.  There are such unfortunates.  They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way.  They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a way of life which demands rigorous honesty.  Their chances are less than average.  There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now.  If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it – then you are ready to follow directions.

At some of these you may balk.  You may think you can find an easier, softer way.  We doubt if you can.  With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.  Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

Remember that you are dealing with alcohol – cunning, baffling, powerful!  Without help it is too much for you.  But there is One who has all power – that One is God.  You must find Him now!

Half measures will avail you nothing.  You stand at the turning point.  Throw yourself under His protection and care with complete abandon.

Now we think you can take it!  Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as your Program of Recovery:

1.      Admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2.      Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3.      Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care and direction of God as we understood Him.

4.      Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5.      Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.      Were entirely willing that God remove all these defects of character.

7.      Humbly, on our knees, asked Him to remove our shortcomings – holding nothing back.

8.      Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make complete amends to them all.

9.      Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10.   Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11.   Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12.   Having had a spiritual experience as the result of this course of action, we tried to carry this message to others, especially alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.

You may exclaim, “What an order!  I can’t go through with it.”  Do not be discouraged.  No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles.  We are not saints.  The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.  The principles we have set down are guides to progress.  We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.

Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after, have been designed to sell you three pertinent ideas:

(a)    That you are alcoholic and cannot manage your life.

(b)    That probably no human power can relieve your alcoholism.

(c)    That God can and will.

If you are not convinced on these vital issues, you ought to re-read the book to this point or else throw it away!