Just funny

Danny P showing how it's done.

Folk are sometimes amazing.

It was an eventful weekend for me, a trip up to Gloucester to see my Dad filled the day. The old boy has been really ill of late and in truth I'm not sure how many times I'll see him again. It's easy for me to forget this man brought me up single handedly between the ages of eight and fourteen.  I have absolutely no doubt he did the very best he could and that is most surly all any of us can ask.

This time I simply sat next to him in the hospital with nothing really to say, it was uncomfortable, sad and kind of OK. The last time I went to see him he was still in the old folks home. I loaded him up in his wheel chair and trundled the old boy down the pub so I could fill him full of sloe gin. On the way back he asked, "boy, you still off the drink?" "yes Dad, yes I am. Been nine years now" I said. He looked round at me, smiled and said "your a fucking disgrace to our family boy". That's the way I'll try and remember my Dad.


After I left him I decided to stop by and see my Mum. She was, needless to say, considerably less chatty then my Dad. Nevertheless I sat myself down by the spot she was laid to rest and had a good old chin wag. One of the clear benefits found in talking to the dead, is they seldom interrupt and you get the chance to go on and on and on. It was nice, talking to my Mum is always nice.  

Then while taking a spin round town and a trip down memory lane I bumped into an old friend who would have every right to never speak to me again. Yet she did, as did her son and her sons partner. She even kept a tight hold on her clearly mad as a bastard dog. And this is the thing, folk are sometimes amazing. They do it with out even knowing what they are doing. My Dad bringing up a son on his own. My Mum still a part of my life even though she has been dead for over twenty years and my old friend who takes time to stop and talk. I hope I never lose the ability to be amazed.

For the love of God give me some sympathy

I've had a couple of days being a bit sick and just about now I'm wallowing in a big old pit of self pity. One thing I've never been able to get much of a grip on is the old grim and bear it when your ill thing, that's just not me. I'm much more of a, for the love of God give me some sympathy, kind of guy.

Problem is, sympathy is almost always in short supply in the Dobbo house hold. The best I can hope for is a sarcastic, ah, you ok love. In truth that's the way I am with the Mrs as well. The only thing close to the agitation of being ill myself, is putting up with someone else being ill next to me. They never seem to shut up.  And on that, I think I can here my most wonderful wife running me a bath, Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

I know what i owe.

And I know who I owe it to.

Posted from Blogium for iPhone

Nine

Nine years ago today on the 3/3/03 I took what has up till now been my last mind altering substance of any kind. Nine years free from drugs and alcohol. It's been an amazing time and generally speaking, my life if fairly great.

Today I find myself thinking of that last time I used. I was in prison (yet again) and my cell mate had just smoked one of the smallest bags of heroin know to man. Although I watched longingly, he didn't seem to want to share. He did however (in a fit of wild generosity) give me the tube he used to smoke it when he had finished.

I carefully unrolled this tiny gift and put a flame under it ready to inhale. Then in a flash of burnt nasal hair and prison butter, it was over. Like most of my using, it was piss poor at best.

The man who gave me that tube walked this road of recovery for a little while, but sadly so far he has never stayed. I see him now and again and when I do I think of that cell in Camp Hill, and I think of the importance of sticking around should he ever decide to join us for good.

Today I'm nine years clean and sober. I know what I owe, and I know who I owe it to.

Posted from Blogium for iPhone

Feel free to have a look

It's getting close, providing I don't do anything mind blowinly stupid in the next couple of weeks it looks likely I'm gona make nine years of continued sobriety, Nine fucking years!!!
Now for some folk that's really not that big of a deal, but trust me when I say, for me it is. At one time I could truly not comprehend the idea of one day clean. It just wasn't a concept I ever thought to consider. Yet despite this I managed to end up here, clean, sober and for the most part fairly sane. So what you might well ask has been the secret to my success? The answer is as some of you already know, simple, straight forward and in previous blogs. Feel free to have a look and use freely what was freely given to me.

The Original How it Works

I've always found the original manuscript of How it Works interesting, even thinking they should have left it as it was. The changes are in italics so you can make up your own mind.

From the pre-production multilith (1938).  This is the opening of the Big Book’s Chapter Five in the original manuscript that was sent out to the fellowship a few months before the Big Book was published.  This was written and re-written over thirty times and this is how it looked before the last changes were made.  Differences are highlighted in bold print.

HOW IT WORKS

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our directions.  Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.  There are such unfortunates.  They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way.  They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a way of life which demands rigorous honesty.  Their chances are less than average.  There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now.  If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it – then you are ready to follow directions.

At some of these you may balk.  You may think you can find an easier, softer way.  We doubt if you can.  With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.  Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

Remember that you are dealing with alcohol – cunning, baffling, powerful!  Without help it is too much for you.  But there is One who has all power – that One is God.  You must find Him now!

Half measures will avail you nothing.  You stand at the turning point.  Throw yourself under His protection and care with complete abandon.

Now we think you can take it!  Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as your Program of Recovery:

1.      Admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2.      Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3.      Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care and direction of God as we understood Him.

4.      Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5.      Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.      Were entirely willing that God remove all these defects of character.

7.      Humbly, on our knees, asked Him to remove our shortcomings – holding nothing back.

8.      Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make complete amends to them all.

9.      Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10.   Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11.   Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12.   Having had a spiritual experience as the result of this course of action, we tried to carry this message to others, especially alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.

You may exclaim, “What an order!  I can’t go through with it.”  Do not be discouraged.  No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles.  We are not saints.  The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.  The principles we have set down are guides to progress.  We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.

Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after, have been designed to sell you three pertinent ideas:

(a)    That you are alcoholic and cannot manage your life.

(b)    That probably no human power can relieve your alcoholism.

(c)    That God can and will.

If you are not convinced on these vital issues, you ought to re-read the book to this point or else throw it away!

Love it.

I have no shed

It was once said by someone who says things, possibly once, that every man needs a shed. A place where he can be at ease, a place to tinker, to find himself, to just simply be. A place to let the creative juice of life flow and maybe make a shelf or two.

I have no shed. I am shed-less, bereft of shed if you will.

I do however have a drill, a makita drill, a drill that could, if I wished, build a shed. If I had a shed to build. This drill was a gift from a dear friend of mine, a man by the name of Jamie Elves. As a matter of interest, Jamie is also bereft of shed.

Tonight I found myself bursting into action with my trusty makita in a frenzy of shed-less DIY and this of course brought to mind the simplicity, and joy of a good cordless drill. It also underlined the fact that even without a shed, life ain't so bad.

What dont i know?

Posted from Blogium for iPhone

Carry the message.

Ebby never asked for the message to be carried to him. Nor did Bill, Ebby took it to Bill. It was the same with Bob. He never asked, bill turned up looking for someone to carry the message of recovery to. AA number 3 Bill D never asked, never had to call when he was ready, Bill and Bob just turned up.

AA history shows us these first members looked for people to carry the message to as if there lives depended on it, because it did. Yet today we find it acceptable to simply pass on a phone number and say call when your ready. Seems a tad arrogant don't you think.

Posted from Blogium for iPhone

Funny

Posted from Blogium for iPhone

Fear

What Bill W said about fear.

Posted from Blogium for iPhone

Almost but not quite

For someone who is generaly so against change and all things related to it, I find the new year and the changes it often brings quite enjoyable. I like the idea of a new diary, a clean sheet for another years gratitude. I like an excuse to redouble my spiritual efforts.



In truth I don't need a new year to do this, or a new diary. In truth I do this a dozen times a week, sometimes a dozen times a day. The ability to redouble my efforts at any given point has been an important and often used asset.



Still, nevertheless, a clean sheet for the coming years inventory is almost as enjoyable as a clean sheet on my bed. Almost but of course not quite.

Casting an eye over Christmas

Well that's it, another Christmas has trudged by and as is often the case I find myself Taking a little time to cast an eye over the whole thing and asses my gratitude.

Right here right now I seem to be getting the greatest of satisfaction from my nice new sheep skin slippers!!! Yep that's right slippers. No longer do I need to search for a mighty high, a twisted and deformed view of reality. Oh no, all I need are a pair of sheepskin slippers.

It's been a good Christmas, yes it has.

Posted from Blogium for iPhone